The other day I was tagged on Instagram to do to a ’10 things about me’ post and decided to make it more than on the surface stuff and get more personal…
So there I was pouring my heart out in the notes app on my phone, but little did I know that Instagram has a character limit for captions and I couldn’t even fit my now narrowed down 5 things in a post! Crazy I know, but some things you just can’t alter or cut short. That was my push to bring it to the blog like I had been thinking of doing for some time.
So here it goes… Five very personal bits of my life
1. Once I moved away from home right after high school I realized that I had what I liked to call a ‘runner’ personality. I would jump ship and be ready to move, leave people behind, etc at a drop of a dime if I was scared by the change going on or had a bad day. Thankfully after meeting Alex I set some roots and that feeling is long gone. With that said it was pretty over taking for some time and my best friend Beth will tell you I could start to tell right when I was ready to run from situations. I almost moved out of state a handful of times, started applications to different colleges, etc.
2. My parents owned businesses my whole life growing up so if I could hold the equipment or count the money I was working somehow to pay for my own things, aside from the money my mom would hide for me. This is actually a big reason I am so into fashion (I will most likely do a post on later) ! I had years of name calling and laughs at what I would have to wear, one of the happiest moments of my younger years was when my mom brought home a whole bag of relevant hand me downs from a friends daughter. Because the truth is If I said I needed jeans my dad would expect 10 year old me to pay for them.
3. If you follow me on social media then you probably saw my week of about me in November where I opened up about living in a broken home growing up and having an abusive alcoholic father. That story is enough to shake someone to the core and still has that affect on me some days, but my mom and I throwing our belongings out the window of our ranch home and not coming home one night was not the end of the story. Shortly after getting away from my dad and finding an apartment of our own he ended up sick in the hospital. We found out he had stage four lung cancer with weeks to live. Instead of just saying our goodbyes and walking away my mom and I moved back in for that month and took care of him until he passed. Needless to say my mom is the strongest person I will ever know. So if you’re reading this, this is my reminder to you to PLEASE remember that everyone has a story or battle they are fighting that you may not know.
4. I am sure most of you know I am on a leave of absence from college, but I am enrolled as a psychology major. All I ever wanted was to be a therapist and help people. However lots of discussions around case studies turned into me biting my tongue with my fists clenched and I started getting the feeling that I had too many biases. I remember sitting in my intro to counseling class listening to some girl go on about how she didn’t understand why a woman would stay with her abusive husband and as a million reasons that I knew first hand whirled through my head it took everything not to lose it that day. So the more family and relationship case studies I worked on the more I had to filter my thoughts/words around the topics that I actually dealt with. With that said, I haven’t given up my dream of helping others and for a while have tossed around the idea of creating an advice or open book portion to my blog where we can share things together and just have a safe space. I would also like to get more involved with volunteering at shelters, this is going to be a huge step and with finally opening up about these topics 10 years after my fathers death it is something I will be very cautious of to make sure I am ready.
5. Okay, time to end this on a good note right? Right now this time that I’ve taken away from school, focusing more on blogging, and working on/planning for PGH Blogger Babes has been the happiest I’ve ever seen myself. The transformation and positive mind I have lately is insane, in the best way possible! I had gotten to the point in my life where I just didn’t want to get out of bed and I think this is a time that needs to be talked about more. When it comes to that I think it is easy to think that you are alone in what you’re feeling or honestly not feeling. I now make it a point to be out of bed no later than 10am every day and sit down with some coffee in silence to reflect and relax before starting my day. I notice myself smiling more often, I don’t over think things as much as I used to… the list could go for a mile haha! Don’t get me wrong the thought of going back to school is terrifying and something that I get asked about a lot, but I went into college broken and with a horrible mind set so I hope this time of peace and change for the best will really set my last year of college apart from the rest.